Fun With Giant Mutant Eggs!!

Its days like this when you wake up and there seems to be something different in the air, and I’m not talking about the smoldering flame love child of bad cooking from last night’s dinner attempt. Maybe it was the sugar rush from yesterday’s Star Wars oriented Slurpee binge, as apparently endorsed by Yoda and Darth Vader (They don’t taste any different than the usual though and probably have enough additional food coloring to be the embodiment of cancer), or perhaps it was the cleaning fiasco that I executed yesterday in my cozy little apartment with all of the comforts of a dwelling during the bubonic plague, no thanks to my cleaning habits, but I woke up feeling rather blitzed, and without the alcoholic hangover to boast.

Waking up after a surprisingly effective three hours of sleep at five in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel a bit different from the montage of dreams that have been haunting me as of lately. Now, a lot of people forget their dreams when they wake up somewhere between changing their undies and eating their Fruit Loops, not necessarily at the same time, but not me. I consistently have one of two reoccurring dreams and very clear interpretations. The first dream is a reenactment of my horrible memories in 9th grade math class, which symbolizes my life sliding downhill, and the second is me sliding downhill which tells me that I should have did better in 9th grade math class. When I wake up, I always ask myself that since it was a dream, I should have made at least one or two attempts at stabbing my evil teacher with a well sharpened pencil, but eh, somehow whenever you are in the whimsical delusions of the dream world, you tend to forget obvious trains of logic like that.

It’s good to set goals for yourself everyday like those self help books tell you too. It’s also good to set yourself up for a gigantic guilt trip of unachievable goals so out of your reach that it’ll take the backhand of God to slap you back to reality. That being the case, I decided to make two simple goals for myself today, get my fly magnet of a laundry pile washed and start the coloring process on one of my typical mother of unholy artwork pieces that’ll burn me out faster than a bowl full of mice soaked in burning lighter fluid in the spring time.

I actually enjoy doing laundry, but since this morning my mind was slightly off its regular discourse, it took me half an hour to find my favorite yogurt cup to fill with Sunlight detergent and I accidentally took my Master Card down to the Laundromat instead of my laundry card. No biggie, things like this happen all the time, not usually to me, but they happen. Should have had my regular cup of Taster’s Choice instant coffee, but then again, I drink it so weak and with so much cream and sugar that I might as well drink chocolate milk. Anyhow, the laundry was going well till I got to the drying part and realized that nobody who had previously used the dryers was courteous enough to remove their lint from the filter. I’m not exactly a clean freak, but I think that like how video stores have a sticker on their tapes that say, “Please be kind and rewind”, commercial dryers should say “Remove your goddamn lint or else we’ll hunt you down and shoot you”, since apparently, very few contextual words rhyme with “lint”. While I’m complaining about that though, I might as well debate the reason why any self respecting human would not flush the toilet in a public washroom after leaving the “Captain’s Log” in a tidy aesthetically pleasing swirl, then again, kissing penguins doesn’t seem very normal to me either if you really think about it.

As I write this, I’m waiting for the laundry to dry… but it never really does dry in Vancouver where the air is so moist that my drawings practically sponge up water from the air and curl into a tiny little ball of pain and suffering if I leave them out too long, although I’m exaggerating… slightly. It’s been quite a while since I’ve draw on paper, I mainly use a Wacom Tablet to do my work these days, but somehow, I’m just not quite as precise with a drawing tablet as I am with the old ceiling sticker and the dead tree pulp.

I have a tendency to worry about the meaning of the universe more often than worry about how to put food on the table, a trait that has not worked well in my favor both as a freelance artist and a socially self expanding individual, as talking about the meaningless essence of existence isn’t exactly the best card to play on dates or job interviews for that matter. As such, I decided that today I’d do something different, and so following my rather trippy morning, I decided to finally follow my brother’s echoing advice and start a blog, as you are hopefully reading now or else it means that I screwed it up… again, hahahah ^_-. I suppose I could have robbed a bank using my well trained army of mutant squirrels, but that’d make just too much sense!

Life is just full of problems isn’t it? Actually, the whole concept of life is to ride on the molehills and mountains of conflict until you eventually hit a bump so large that you are ejected from your mortal vessel and spattered onto the pavement of the afterlife, that or you drive into a pot hot large enough to be classified by the Encyclopedia Britannica as a cliff in a surprisingly graceful explosion. Fortunately, I haven’t hit any life traumatizing threats as of late, unlike last year, but then again, I’ve hit enough small speed bumps to stunt my speed to almost zero, so now I’ve got to start picking up the pace, gather momentum and start making a difference. Well, the day is still young and I hope to get some good wholesome work done and hope that it will be one step in the direction of change, for better or worst. Oh… as for the giant mutant egg bit mentioned in the title of this article… umm… I’ll explain that later… hopefully… definitely…